Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Beginning of Januari '09

Sems four in this year...
I found out something is going wrong. There's something happened in my life.
Recently these few days, I had been freaking weird. I couldn't sleep, blur all the time, quietly attitude and so on.
Feeling guilty to my self.

What did happen? wht's going on? Did vacation make me like this? Did homesick favor hit me again?
Oh, come on... I am totally blur about all of this things..
Talking to my self all the time, can't give me the answer...
Chatting with people around me, neither.
huh!!! i need to do something..

Subjects in this sems made me a bit afraid.. 5 subjects which are: CPM ( Communication Project Management), PR2, PS (Presentation Skills), PRW (PR Writing), ECON (Intro to Economics). Total credit hours is 17. Basiclly, all of this sunjects are quite heavy for me whereby we just came from long holiday. I couldn't even collect all of my mind from vacation and enjoyness from my hometown. And i need to do adaptation language in here again since that I had been 3 weeks in Indonesia and I didn't use it all of time. It's a bit difficult to me.
And honestly, I miss my mum and my family. I am too enjoyable with my condition in Padang. I had my family, friends, and transportation is avaiable, acommodation is my home sweet home. I just thinking that my previous holiday was so excited for me till I can't positively collect my power to concetrate in college anymore.

I am being selfishly right now. I wanna go home. I dun care whateva people think about me. Think clearly I almost 2years in here, in Malaysia, it's suppose not to be humsick anymore because it's too long adaptation already. However, the fact is talking differently...!!! I miss my home, mum, dad, sist, bro, and all of my friends... I still wanna be at there.. I still wanna collect all of the happiness at there.. (sounds like I am not happy in here.. lol.. Not excatly, btw).

Malaysia is OK for me. I learned a lot in here and I grew up in here. A part of my life and my future (who knows) ll be in here. I put so much hopeness in here. Hope I can graduated with the greatest mark I can reach. Hope I can apply my college skills in work field and hope I can survive with it. Hope I can continue degree overseas and graduated, finding a job at there. Its are my dream. Its all my own wishes. 2009 is full of wishes to me. However, just 14 days of the beginning in 2009 made me hopeless...

I knew this is just a little bit part test in my whole life. There's fighting conversation in mind and my heart between black and white side in my heart. Laziness and hard working sides are fighting.
In my conclusion, I was thinking that I am on the top of the highest mountain. I am fighting with my self. I had to chosen right or left. I had to chosen follow my fantase to be Christin rite now or being a new Christin with full of listes wishes and a hard working spirit..

Hey, being succesfull need to face a lot of hardness and it's difficult..
This is to early to say "I'm tired".. This is to easy to give up.. and This is so HARD to be strong...!!

I lost my confidence, I lost my smile, I lost my ambition, and the most importanly is
I lost him.. I lost my spirit.. yeah, need to be confessment I seldom go church recently even this 2009 I didn't go at all. and worst become worst I didn't pray to him. I didn't talk to him.. I just simply wake up from my dream without said thank you to Him. And finally, I realized I am too far from him rite now. I am run out of his way. I am walking in the darknest and lost controll. I can't feel warmnest. I am feeling lonely and a lot of question marks relief in my heart. "What am I gonna be?"

Fact is talking. I am such of a bitch and being nuts without his guidlines, without his lightning..

Freaking hard to find out the way home to return back into him. I miss to hold him and chatt to him.
I am feeling guilty and I am apologize to be naughty...

>>>>> After wrote all of this, I felt quite satisfied with my truthness... Till all of this, I need a lot of support from all of my friends and my self obviously.. So, hope all the best to me.. and wish anything gonna be alrite. I ll pretend this sems will gonna be fun with all of my classmates ( hope so)

*Cheer all*Do our best especially for our Project =D

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