Friday, April 1, 2011

My secret letter to you

Since sharing is caring, let me share something for you.

I've been missing like an ages from this world to hide and seek for my comfort zone.
Acceptance for the reality won't be that easy as you thought.
Loosing someone who you really love and care was terrified.
I am not asking you to have the same situation like me, but I am encouraging you to put your self into my shoe and feel how dramatic my life is.

Thousands people outside there are trying to kill themselves with various disappointment reasons while in the same time thousands people were struggling and fighting for their life to survive and stay together with their family. Can you see how dramatic our life is?

My daddy was the one of thousands people out there who fought for life and tried to convince him self that he will win this war. Let me tell you something, having the 'unwanted' colon cancer for more than 1 year was totally not fun at all. Three times operation in purpose of removing the cancers which was not successful plus four times chemotherapy which wasn't effective enough, and 18 times radiotherapy wasn't cool enough to survive in this world. Lose 35kg during 1 year wasn't a joke. Ow, not only that..... Depression, insomnia, no appetite, painfulness, vomit, and low self-esteem were a nightmare for him. Everything come together to hit and rack his heart and feel every single day.

I am not sure how was my dad feeling last time. But, one thing that I know is My Father is really a big Hero! Every single second in his life was a gold and miracle for him. To carry all the burden by himself alone was tough enough.

I hope he is in the right place right now and enjoying his victory. At least, he doesn't need to bother about the cruel world anymore. Because I belief everything that he has been through in this world last time was just a test.

He really deserve to enjoy the real result in the better place up there.

How I miss you every single day, daddy.
I am glad to have you for more than 21 years. You were really a great father for me. All this words couldn't represent what I feel right now. Only you, me, and God know our secret.
My apology couldn't complete my promises to you and I am sorry couldn't do my best when you were here with me.

Your lovely daughter who have been missing you since you left us that day.

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